About C.S. Poulsen

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Amelia Island, FL, United States
C.S.Poulsen discovered her passion for writing 'fiction with a message' after she dreamed of 'a sword of death' and put it to paper in her first novella, The Insiders. She finds writing a natural extension to her eighteen-year career as an entertainer, writing award-winning music and lyrics. She spends her days writing while she cares for her ninety-nine year old Alzheimer's mother. Her second novella, The Curse of Gingrich, Christian/Horror (YA to Adult) is available now while the sequel to The Insiders is in Edit and a series for Teens is in the works. Claire is a world-traveled, single mom and attended Florida State College and University of North Florida, Jacksonville. She lives on Amelia Island with her ninety-nine year old, Alzheimer mother, seventeen year old son, two spoiled dogs and one cat with attitude. http://www.cspoulsen.info/

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

January 24, 2012

Does it seem to you that the Earth is spinning faster and that time is flying by faster than you can keep up? Do others seem to have a path they are following and don’t feel the pressure that you feel just to keep up?

Welcome to my world of Attention Deficit Disorder also known as A.D.D. This is a blog that shares the viewpoints, frustrations and affirmations of an over-fifty woman who struggled undiagnosed through life until I fifty plus. 

Finally diagnosed, I learned why I had audio problems, visual perception problems and the general inability to focus on one task until completion. A.D.D. was like a beast living in the shadows of my mind. It was as though every time I attempted a project, a creature would roar its intimidating head and block all efforts. Finally diagnosed, I could name the beast, understand the beast and fight the beast.

As is so often the case, I carried more than one beast. I don’t remember when I wasn’t plagued with depression. In fact, once I became Prosac-ed and then Effexor-ed, I was eager to find out what else needed to be fixed. Although life immediately improved and I felt exhilarated with hope for the future, it was another decade before I realized my other problems were A.D.D. induced. 

Thanks to medication, I learned to focus long enough to complete tasks. Whether duty-bound jobs like housekeeping or art-oriented jobs like composing and writing, I reached a content part of my life where my brain is functional and capable.

I’ve also learned to deal with some of the other problems that plague A.D.D. ers like auditory problems. I still need to figure out what people are saying on a physical level. Confusing sounds like M’s and N’s or P’s and B’s still cause problems for me. In other words, I need to decipher what is being said on an auditory level before I can respond appropriately. I guess that makes me appear a bit slow or ditzy but it is what it is. For example, I can forget going to a restaurant and trying to listen to the person seated next to me. I can’t decipher what they are saying if the restaurant has any level of noise. Oddly however, I’ll hear someone talking on the other side of the room. So, if you want to talk to me, I’ll need to be in a quiet environment so I can really “hear” what you are saying.

Another problem is my visual perception. Take my brief stint at learning to golf. Hey, I could smack a ball no problem but I couldn’t follow the ball afterward in the air or see where it landed. Again, I was the only member in the group with this problem. Medication has not helped with the auditory or visual problems and so I still don’t feel “normal.”  

What artist is normal anyway? Artists create whether on canvas, sculpture, music or the crafting of words; we are a different breed working outside the box more often than not. It’s a good thing although I’ve run into a few non-creators who find me “odd” or “weird.” I’ve met even fewer who used my “handicaps” against me. For the most part, I’m fortunate to have met many very successful people mostly in my music career, who appreciate creative abilities and wished they possessed more creativity themselves.   

I can’t talk about those who may have A.D.D. and aren’t creative. They have their own story and their own set of problems. I give them my empathy, compassion and respect for the struggle. Creative or not, I urge anyone that can relate to the ‘deficits’ described above to get tested at any age. Name your beast and use the information highway to find out what you can do about it if you can’t afford a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. Hiding your flaws from the world takes a lot of energy. I wasted too much time not getting to know people on a deeper level because of my ‘problems.’ Now, I’m different but accepting that it is what it is. I’m stepping out to shout that you can have a happier life and tackle the problems sent your way without succumbing to them. You can find your niche. You can contribute to this world.

This blog will showcase your responses (for better or worse) to my viewpoints, my experiences, my thoughts, regarding the “things of this world” as it is to date. I will provide links for A.D.D. (both mine and yours) and for some of my passions like the problem of human trafficking, how to stop animal abuse and provide no-kill shelters, politics, religion and the needs of humanity as a whole.

Whether you are a woman, man, Christian or not, please join me on this journey of discovery by posting your thoughts. We all have our crosses to bear, and as we share our viewpoints and information, we join for positive feedback and learn we are not alone. 

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