Alzheimer's a bitch.

I'm sensitive, some may say that I'm overly sensitive.  Yet this evening I have listened to my 99 year old Alzheimer's mother yell for help for over an hour.  She thinks that I have planned her discomfort because I want to be rid of her.  Never mind that I've told her countless times that she can't walk, that her knees won't hold her up for even a second, that I wish she could walk and if I were strong enough, I would get her out of the bed that she is in (that "isn't" a bed) and carry her over to the couch.

Mother hollered prayers at the ceiling and told "them" to bring her a chair.  Oddly, her hallucinations must have declined as mother said, "Why not? That isn't too hard." 

I picked up the phone and called the triage nurse at hospice.  I asked mother if she would like to speak to the nurse who would verify that she could no longer walk and that I wasn't being just mean. 

Mother shook her head, "no."  "I won't believe her. You already told her what to say."

Anyway, she quieted down as I spoke to the nurse who had no advice that I hadn't considered including giving her meds.  She had refused everything but in a moment of quiet she agreed to take her pills.  Xanax and ambien still haven't kicked in. But I did find out why she was so insistent in wanting to get off her butt.  She's constipated.

Turning mother over is best done with two people and not one with fibro and a messed up rotator cup, etc.  I struggled and got her over long enough to insert suppository.  Of course that means I will be turning her over again tonight and she will once again tell me that I am torturing her.  Who knows what damage I can do to my body this next roll over. 

If you haven't learned yet, Alzheimer's is a bitch.  It turns the closest family member into a hallucinatory, defensive soul who trusts no one.  Be prepared to grow a thick skin because if you were sensitive at the start of care taking you will be less so in time. 

With the help of time, you will in all likely hood become a drinker, a prayer, a pleader, a bargainer and a liar. (It's always best to play along with the hallucinations) You will be happy one minute that you can help and the next minute you will wish you would have turned away. 

However, in the end, I would expect some sort of reward....thicker skin, maturity and the realization that if it's me one day, I will make preparations so that the very person I love the most, isn't saddled with a complete stranger because that's what Alzheimer does. It turns loved ones into strangers and the street goes both ways.  Alzheimer's is a bitch and I suggest we all hope for a cure and better yet a deterrent.